DivineWellness

Many of us, myself included, have struggled with not knowing our place in the world, and not feeling worthy enough to find it. We can be really good at telling ourselves that we will never get to where we want because we don’t feel good enough, or valuable enough to have it. This feeling can leave us looking for validation outside of ourselves including other people, relationships, or even our work. 

Does this sound like you?

So, what is self-worth? 

Postivephyscology.com uses the Merrium-Webster definition that self-worth is “a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect”. I would even take that one step further to include that self-worth is also how valuable and worthy you feel.

Your own personal self-worth is just that, personal. It is how you see yourself that determines what you say to yourself, what you do for yourself, and how you act. 

Do you feel worthy of the life you’re living? Do you feel valuable to those around you? 

Regardless of what others think, it’s how you feel about yourself that matters most. Only you can decide how worthy or unworthy you feel. The good news is, even if you doubt yourself or don’t feel good enough, you are still worth it. You just have to remind yourself what that feels like.

A healthy sense of self-worth says that “Even if I fail, I am still worth it” whereas a low sense of self-worth says “I cannot do this because I am not worth it” or “If I fail I will no longer be worthy”. 

Why is self-worth important? 

As I stated before, self-worth determines how we show up in the world and how much risk we are willing to take. It determines how we talk to ourselves, what we do with our lives, and how we take care of ourselves (or don’t). 

This comes into play in all areas of our lives. For instance, when we are getting ready to do something new, our relationship with our worth is the difference between hyping ourselves up or completely tearing ourselves down. It helps us decide what we are willing to put up within our relationships, in our work environments, even with ourselves. When we finally embrace our worth we stop settling for that job that we hate or that toxic relationship and start working towards improving ourselves and our situations.

The mind is a powerful thing, and if we are constantly cycling through thoughts of bitterness, victim-hood, and not being good enough, we hold ourselves back in so many ways. If we have low self-worth we might never have the courage to go after our dreams for fear that we would never get them. When we acknowledge our true worth, we begin to settle for nothing less than what we deserve.

I know when I was struggling with low self-worth the mental gymnastics it took to get me to even try something new was exhausting. Even taking the time to care for me was a struggle. I would go through constant bargaining with myself: “If I get all of this stuff done first, I can finally take time for myself”. Then, by the end of the day, I was too exhausted to do anything but crawl into bed. After years of playing out this cycle, I was constantly finding myself running into the ground and facing burnout. I decided enough was enough. I had to take the time to tell myself I am worth the 5-minute break, simply because I was worth it.

Symptoms of Low Self-Worth:

• Not being true to yourself – 

When we do not know our worth or our value, we settle for things that don’t suit us, or worse, make us miserable.

• Self-sabotaging – 

We begin to consciously – or subconsciously – sabotage the good things in our lives because we don’t think we are good enough to have it

• Self-Shaming – 

Having an internal dialogue that includes telling ourselves: “you aren’t good enough”, “you will never get there” and “you don’t deserve it”.

• Lack of boundaries

Not being sure of ourselves can lead to “people pleasing” where we say yes to things, even if we don’t really want to, or they violate the way we want to live.

When we begin to recognize these traits within ourselves, it can be overwhelming. But, nothing is impossible to overcome.

It starts with baby steps, and let me tell you, taking that first step to reclaiming yourself, often from yourself, can be the scariest. 

I can also tell you, it is so worth it, and YOU are worth it!

How to improve your self worth in 3 easy steps: 

Now, remember, it can take some time to remind yourself how truly worthy you are. These are a good place to start and to come back to when you need a reminder.

• Be clear with yourself: 

Who are you and what do you want? What is holding you back? When we have a sense of who we are it can make it easier to know what we are worthy of, and what is not meant for us.

• Healthy Self-Talk:

How do you talk to yourself? Low self-worth can often be perpetrated by the things we constantly tell ourselves. What do you tell yourself, about yourself? Are these things true? What are some positive things that you can say to remind yourself that you are worthy of love and respect? Learning how to be kind to yourself is key to changing your internal dialogue. 

• Set Clear Boundaries:

After you get clear with who you are, set boundaries for yourself. NO is a full sentence and it is okay to say no to the things that make you feel like you are not worth it. (Remember that this is a practice and can take some time. You can refer to my blog: What are Boundaries and How to Set them to help you set clear boundaries)

Signs your self-worth is improving:

Reclaiming your worth can be a process that takes months, or even years, to perfect. However, you will know you are back on the right track when you start to recognize what truly makes you the happiest and invite more of that into your life. This also means holding your strong boundaries and saying no to things that do not support the life you want to live.

You will also notice you are kinder to yourself. Your internal dialogue is softer and more supportive of the person you want to be. You might also be willing to try new things more often, knowing that if you fail this will not take away from who you really are. 

As a reminder, always be gentle with yourself. No one is perfect. And, you are always worth your own time and energy to be who you truly are.

If you would like to dive deeper into developing your sense of self-worth, join me on November 9th for a 4-week self-worth program: Rediscovering Self. We will dive deeper into developing a healthy sense of self and embracing who you truly are.